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Radioactive musings
Warning - Possible contamination

Date: 2012-06-06 02:06
Subject: So this is a bit of a ragey post...
Security: Public
I know it's been a while since I posted on here (or even looked on here, come to think of it), but I was moved to write something, and I didn't want to sign up for Posterous.

I was listening to a video by Sean Plott earlier, Day[9] to those that know his handle, and he told a story about motivation that I've heard before. It's the one that Will Smith apparently told about his father making him build a wall. Here's a link that's related to it...


The upshot is, all you have to do is work hard and you can do anything you want.

Which makes it sound so simple. So very....fucking...simple.

The problem is that I have no idea what I want. I've had ideas in the past, and I've tried to do stuff, and it hasn't worked. And this includes me spending quite a lot of time on them.

Let me give you an example. I like Starcraft 2. I really do. I think it's a great game. I spent a lot of time on it. For those that count that sort of thing, I have replays from roughly seven hundred games.

And to begin with, I sucked. Really badly. Which is OK, cos you do when you start new things. So I worked at it. I watched videos and tried to learn. And got my ass kicked. So I tried more videos and builds and got my ass kicked. Then came FilterSC and his videos which made a difference. And for a little while, I was good.

And then I got my ass kicked 10 times in a row.

So I asked for help and was told that I needed to work on my mechanics. So I did. And got my ass kicked again. And again.

I've mostly given up now. It's no longer something I relish, and I have serious ladder anxiety to the point that I'm making up excuses to *not* play this game.

For a while I wondered about being a pro gamer, but this is clearly never going to happen.

And that, right there, is the closest I've come to having a wall to build.

Or here's another example. I've had several jobs in my time that I started out at the bottom of the organisation. Good example, Sainsburys. I worked hard, and was on time. I did overtime and didn't gripe. I covered shifts and didn't whine. And at the end of the day, where did it get me? In a piece of shit, dead end job with no prospects at all. So basically nowhere.

Which is the beginning of the death spiral for that job because I got demotivated after a while, and then I lost the job after nearly 2 years. Which really doesn't help.

The only tech support job I've ever hard, I managed to get depressed and then make a mistake that caused a lot of problems. I was basically given my marching orders at that point. And this was a job that I was good at. And I'd worked hard at. And I'd liked for a long time.

But I wasn't getting anywhere. And I wasn't worth funding through a cisco course. This was originally presented as a budgetary concern, but it turns out that a guy who joined later who wasn't even full time tech support *was* worth paying for.

And I just...lost my edge. So I lost that job, and spent a long time unemployed.

And so far, in terms of jobs and career plans and life plans, I have no idea. So I'm floating along being unhappy about my lack of progress, but foiled by the fact that I don't know what I want, and the only times I've had an idea, and tried for that idea, I've failed so hard that I don't care about those things anymore. And the problem with that is it discourages you from starting new things because "I worked hard at things I thought I was good at, and all I got was this lousy depression."

So when I hear people spouting this bullshit about all you need is hard work, it makes me so angry. You don't just need hard work. You need a plan. You need a destination. And you need some kind of hint that all the shit that you're going to have to go through is going actually be worth it.

And I know it may seem like I'm being down on hard work. That's not true. Hard work is part of any successful plan. But it's only part of the plan, not the whole thing.

So yeah. This has been an angry ramble, but I couldn't sleep until I'd written it. It may also not be true, and there may be vast holes in my logic.

In which case, please do let me know. Hopefully I can be in a more positive frame of mind if/when people do...
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Date: 2012-01-29 10:42
Subject: post
Security: Public
Originally posted by cantarina1 at post
Originally posted by electricdruid at The fiasco continues

ACTA in a Nutshell –

What is ACTA?  ACTA is the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. A new intellectual property enforcement treaty being negotiated by the United States, the European Community, Switzerland, and Japan, with Australia, the Republic of Korea, New Zealand, Mexico, Jordan, Morocco, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada recently announcing that they will join in as well.

Why should you care about ACTA? Initial reports indicate that the treaty will have a very broad scope and will involve new tools targeting “Internet distribution and information technology.”

What is the goal of ACTA? Reportedly the goal is to create new legal standards of intellectual property enforcement, as well as increased international cooperation, an example of which would be an increase in information sharing between signatory countries’ law enforcement agencies.

Essential ACTA Resources

  • Read more about ACTA here: ACTA Fact Sheet
  • Read the authentic version of the ACTA text as of 15 April 2011, as finalized by participating countries here: ACTA Finalized Text
  • Follow the history of the treaty’s formation here: ACTA history
  • Read letters from U.S. Senator Ron Wyden wherein he challenges the constitutionality of ACTA: Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Read the Administration’s Response to Wyden’s First Letter here: Response
  • Watch a short informative video on ACTA: ACTA Video
  • Watch a lulzy video on ACTA: Lulzy Video

Say NO to ACTA. It is essential to spread awareness and get the word out on ACTA.

Via Tumblr

This entry was also posted at http://cantarina.dreamwidth.org/131889.html. (comments: comment count unavailable)

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Date: 2011-06-01 10:42
Subject: Saturday...
Security: Public
I know it's a bit late notice, but I'm looking to put a lot of stuff into car(s?) on Saturday and move it from Hunter's Bar to Walkley.

Am looking for people to help lift and carry boxes, and if possible (he says hoping quite hard) if anyone has a car that I can give them petrol money to bring their wheels with...

Anyone free?
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Date: 2010-11-10 00:33
Subject: New phonage
Security: Public
So my contract runs out on January.

I'll be getting a new one, and thus a new phone. Was wondering if people had suggestions.

Anything people can recommend/advise against?
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Date: 2010-10-01 00:16
Subject: Best game evah
Security: Public
"Movie before and after"

As an example that I totally didn't steal...

"A poor farm boy who was trained to be a knight realizes that his nemesis is his father so travels through time to make sure his parents fall in love."

Which would give you "The Empire Strikes Back To The Future"

How about "Two crooks escaping from a failed robbery get trapped in a small house in England and have to fight werewolves to survive..."
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Date: 2010-08-23 23:48
Subject: So yeah....
Security: Public
I just went to see Inception, because I wanted an evening to myself, but not to be alone.

So yeah.
Cut for the vaguest possible spoilersCollapse )

Very good film. One hell of a mind-screw...
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Date: 2010-08-13 19:02
Subject: Musings on creative writing?
Security: Public
I was going to write something this morning, but I spent so long deliberating about whether I should get dressed before I typed it up that the idea slipped away.

In an effort to ensure that this never happens again, I'm going to follow the traditional maxim about such things, and recall that it's always prose before hose...

That should solve the problem...
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Date: 2010-08-06 00:09
Subject: A cautionary tale...
Security: Public
...and may the gods have mercy on our souls....

Why me and Flick shouldn't be allowed to drink coke, eat chocolate and collaborateCollapse )
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Date: 2010-07-31 12:02
Subject: TIL....
Security: Public
I saw this...
for a block text and accompanying video...Collapse )
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Date: 2010-07-30 15:12
Subject: (no subject)
Security: Public
No, really I'm really good.

Turns out I managed to get through what was meant to be a three week workload in 6 days.

So there's nothing for me to really do come Monday.

So the three weeks work is now over two weeks early.


It annoys me that being diligant and working hard has actually caused me to lose out. So much for a good work ethic...
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my journal
June 2012